On Not Having Fun

What my mother taught me about fun, worry, vanity, ... and cathedrals.

After our long talk about boredom, I went looking for my mother again. “You said boredom and not having fun were different,” I told her. “So… what does it mean when I’m not having fun?” She looked up and gave me the small smile she always used when she could tell a question had been sitting inside me. “Well,” she said, “first thing: having fun is not a great way to decide how your life is going.”

She saw my confusion, so she kept going. “Fun can make people a little selfish. They start chasing it, protecting it, and forgetting everything that isn’t fun. And a life built only around fun moments usually isn’t a very good one.” Then she added, more gently, “Fun is wonderful. I want you to have lots of it. Just not as your compass.”

She reminded me that kids are supposed to play. “It’s your job,” she said. “That’s how you learn yourself and learn the world.” But sh…